I often ask people, “What do you do for self-care?” and almost as often as I ask this question, I get a a confused look and the question, “What do you mean by self-care?” It’s actually a really fair question. Sometimes we may not know what self-care means, other times, we aren’t sure if what they are doing amounts to self-care. I’ve realized, we have to demystify what self-care is and simplify the meaning of it.
At a very basic level, self-care means investing in ourselves; mind, body and/or spirit. Investing is not about money, sometimes it’s not even about the time we take. Most often, it’s about the quality of care we are putting towards ourselves in purposeful ways. To me, self-care is an action, behavior, or practice that is done with purpose; something that holds meaning for us. Self-care looks different for each of us individually, but also may look different for ourselves depending on what we are experiencing and the needs we must cater to when practicing self-care.
When time and money are less of an issue (which I know few of us fall into this category), maybe self-care looks like something that is regularly scheduled. This could be days at the spa, regular visits to a massage therapist, getting a mani/pedi, etc. Scheduled services that tend to our self-care are fabulous to have. They are gestures to ourselves reminding us that we are worth it. We work hard, whether that work is outside the home, or work we do for our homes and families; most of us can identify with feeling like we are working hard. Heck, sometimes working hard comes down to getting up every day and surviving…that’s nothing to be minimized!
But, many of us cannot afford, with time or money, to practice self-care at the spa or salon. Those can feel more like luxuries that are outside our reach. That doesn’t mean we can’t afford self-care. Self-care can come with less expense. It can be practiced in smaller ways, such as spending time with friends and family that recharge our batteries. A Girls/Guys Night Out where we get to feel connected and leave our worries behind is an example of that. Another example would be exercising; whether you join a local gym (some have memberships as low as $10/month), or you develop a personal exercise routine like running, walking or finding workout videos online (Youtube has many!). Exercise is an excellent way to release endorphins (those feel-good hormones) and remove the stress we carry in our bodies.
If these examples are still out of reach, and we really need to simplify it further, we can do that! Sometimes, self-care must be found in the tiniest of moments; like in the showers or baths we take. Any parent with young children can tell you, a shower without interruption can truly be seen as a luxury! So, find time to take a shower, increase it by 5 minutes to spend that time in the shower and relax…or change it to a relaxing warm bath where you can just ease in and let your muscles relax. Maybe it’s too hard to shut your mind off in the shower. In that case, grab a book and read, put on some music, and sing along, or dance! Engage your brain into something that keeps you from focusing on the day-to-day stressors.
But with all these options, the real key is, purpose. Whether you’re getting a mani/pedi, engaging in exercise, taking a shower, whatever it is, make sure you are doing it with one purpose in mind- to take care of yourself; to find joy, calm and comfort. This means, before you engage in whatever your self-care strategy is, pause. Pause and think about what you’re about to engage in. Why are you doing it? What do you hope to find in the activity/behavior? For example, if you’re going to the spa, before your treatment starts, think to yourself, “I am doing this because I deserve to feel good. I deserve to take care of myself. I will find peace and calm and let go of all the stress.” And even if your self-care is showering, before you step into the shower, pause. Pause and think, “This is for me. I am taking time for me because I deserve this time. It’s important for me to take care of myself. I will wash away the stress and I will allow myself to feel good. I will feel the water wash away all that pains me and I will take comfort in this time alone.” Develop your own mantra; one that speaks directly to you.
We don’t want to just find purpose before we engage, but also while we are engaged in the care activity. If the strategy permits, pause. Pause and remind yourself that you are doing this for you and only you, and you deserve it. Then, after you’re done the activity? You got it, pause. Pause and remind yourself that it feels good to take care of yourself and that you appreciate you, and are thankful that you exist.
Sometimes these words may be hard to say. Sometimes they may feel untrue. If that’s your scenario, that telling yourself good things about yourself feels like a lie, remember this- someone, or someones (more than one person) told you or made you feel like you weren’t good enough; made you feel unworthy. This was a message you learned over time. This was someone else’s message. Today, the time has come to rewrite your truths. And the truth is, YOU ARE WORTHY!
So, remember, self-care is important; just pause and find purpose!
Written by: Dana Hicks, LCSW
ThoughtWell Counseling Services, LLC
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